The Russians Are Coming
by Pho
'The Russians Are Coming, The Russians Are Coming.' Damn funny movie, complete with sixty's 'suspicion can be countered by trust' theme, not to mention a much younger Eva Marie Saint. But there's absolutely no humor in the air when Daniel hangs up the phone. "The Russians are coming." Nope, not funny at all.
Hammond doesn't like this any better than I do, but he at least understands the political necessity. Or pretends too, I'm not sure which. All things considered, though, it really doesn't matter. Some brain-in-his-dick politically motivated dimwit who can't tell a P-90 from a Peanut has overruled common sense. Not to mention *security*. We're showing them our God-damned base, for crying out loud! Get a grip, Jack! Remember your orders.
Be friendly, and cooperative. Hey, I can do friendly. Cooperative *might* be a little more...no, remember your *conference* with Hammond. He *wants* you to be friendly and cooperative. It's a joint rescue mission. We have to *trust* each other. Yeahsureyabetcha. They haven't even told us who's coming! Talk about trust. Security be damned, they just didn't want us running a check on them. But whoever they are, they've been cleared by the highest authorities in the Pentagon. Right. The same brain-in...don't go there, Jack. Concentrate on what you know, which is virtually nothing. *Do* know that there will be four members of the Russian team, obviously to go along with the four members of SG-1. Guess they don't know that Teal'c is eating for two. What they don't know...
Damn! I *hate* going in blind. Even with Teal'c, Carter and Daniel for backup, we're in trouble here. *I* know what the attitude's gonna be even before they get here - everyone's expendable. Not gonna be able to trust them with our six. Hell, they weren't even gonna look for the missing team, until *we* found the cigarette pack. Just *had* to tell them, didn't we? Couldn't wait until we found them and brought 'em home. Have to do a joint mission now! Shit!
A Russian version of Maybourne's worst moments is bad enough, but combined with the salt-of-Russia team, one of whom is, more than likely, 'old guard', the whole scenario sucks. Of course, they could be the pride of New Russia, but I doubt it. It hasn't been long enough. Not nearly long enough to eliminate the last vestiges of the Cold War from the Soviet, uh, Russian military. The ideological barriers may be down, but the hard-liners remain, scrambling for power, status, and wealth, in whatever combination they can get. And they scare the hell out of me. Almost seventy years were invested in the care and feeding of the 'old guard'. Doesn't matter how optimistic you get; a few years of Glasnost can't counter all of the earlier training. Unless, of course, you're a kid. With no earlier training.
Speaking of training, my team's watching me, waiting to follow my lead. Hammond may be the base CO, but SG-1 is *mine*, all *mine*. Daniel, don't look like that, gloating is allowed. From Teal'c's smirk, I think he read my mind, and Carter ... damn the woman, she looks amused! Crap! They're plotting to protect me from myself. *They* don't think I can cope with mysterious Russians running amok in the SGC. Well, they're wrong. I can deal with amok. It's the quiet, polite, semi-charming, politically correct model of a Russian officer that *I* have trouble with. It's the one with the pat answers and witty repartee that drives me fucking *NUTS*.
"Uh, Jack?"
Not now, Daniel. I'm having a silent tantrum and will come out to play in a little while. Good, Danny-boy's nothing if not bright, he's picked up that I want to be alone with my thoughts. Guess running my hands through my hair was the right signal at the right time for the right archaeologist. When will this elevator ride *end*? Not that I'm in a hurry to join *them* for the mission to rescue the Russian team. We don't *need* them. Daniel speaks better Russian than *they* probably do. Hell, I know enough to get by in a pinch. Provided that pinch involves phrases like 'stay down or I'll shoot' or 'yes, I am on your side.' Obviously not interchangeable, but they came in handy - back in the days when covert operations involved countries, not planets.
SG-1 can go get the trapped team, help them to see the error of their ways, and send them home without help, thank you very much. And anybody else we might find too, 'cause let's face it, we don't know how many citizens of Mother Russia *really* are stranded off world. Or what they might be doing. Or who they might be doing it with. Or, for that matter, what kind of technology they might be trying to beg, borrow, or steal.
"Colonel?"
There's a good second-in-command. Got it in one, Carter. Thirty second warning. Thirty seconds until the elevator stops and we get to go greet our - teammates - enthusiastically. Yeah, right. Just hope I can figure out what they have up their sleeves before they can do us in. God, Jack, you are really, really paranoid. ... No, God-dammit, realistic. Since when is realistic considered paranoid? *You* know who trained the Iraqis.
'The Russians Are Coming, The Russians Are Coming.' Too damn late for a warning, they're already here.